grammasrunamuck

Posts Tagged ‘weight loss surgery

weighed in today  down 3 lbs.

Son asks so” mom when are you going to have the gastric bypass surgery. I do not want to have to see you on the floor and not be able to get up again. I have lost 3 l bs of water  he says . no big deal…its good but everyone loses weight like that.  ”

I am sad now tearfully that my son thinking I will die, but I am not sure on the surgery at all.  It is invasive. It will require the healing process, etc and the same willpower used in diet.  I believe I can do it myself. I know I can, I really do.

I have been through so much pain and hurt I do not want to have more. I just want to do something happy for a change.

I have not had a vacation in 30 yrs or more.  I need to feel like a normal woman, be able to do the things I want ,when I want.

I heard my sons concern, and yet he kids about it , and I know over the last few days my body is not feeling that surgery is right, even though the surgeon at Ellis Bariatric Medicine, thinks it will be successful.

I have to decide soon.  Or not. I have to and want to get thin, be attractive to men.

Ha men. Now that is another story. Been hurt before, and may never be trusting again.   Who knows.   The truth is I am young and want to wear a sexy bathing suit, feel good about me.

I have been walking more in the stores when I go.  Slowly but surely.  I am very upset with me.

I am just wondering if the cpap machine will change any thing .

So for today for now I will see how it goes.

Love you all,

grammasrunamuck  Patti

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Dear Michelle, I was a member of the group. I did not enjoy the hate being spewed to be honest. If it were not the blogging lady and her pal doing the abuse speech, I must have missed something. I also have been on other sites and saw the same people doing the same thing. Most of the lady bloggers followers. aka blog followers let me clarify that are wonderful people. I was quite surprised that the lady blogger spoke the way she did. I had a high level of appreciation for all that she went through. When she started attacking Susan Maria Leach I was very surprised.

All the support groups I have attended spoke of never attacking anyone. I reciprocated in kind I admit out of total anger at being called fat,
old, etc. I had not given out the lady bloggers names but they sure did post mine. I thought that acting like a lady was proper. You have not read some of the emails. You have atleast read here what is posted. I give you credit for that.
I am a woman who does not back down easily. If I am wrong about something I certainly will apologize. I am sorry that you believe I am easily lead. I have not spewed hatred by any means. if you read all of the posts I am not fighting with these women. They are the aggressors. Of course any story can be spun in any direction. Again the written word can not carry forth the true meaning of my words.

I do not say that you or any of the lady bloggers ,friends or even she are evil. The people who follow her blog, do follow just as those who follow this blog. That does not mean they are without conscience, brains,attitude, knowledge, or talent. It simply stated means they follow her blog. I am glad that you have found support in the lady bloggers writing. While I do not agree with everything she or Mel have written, they have merit if they mean something to you, others, or the writers.
In case you have not noticed I have written about other things.

I also will include you ,the lady blogger, and Mel as well as all those who have been the target of animosity,hatred,and attacks for any reason in prayer . No one deserves to be mistreated.   I hope you will have an open minded approach to my opinions,as I have toward yours.

WLS is a very serious action to take. If you note my hesitancy has been caused by the death of 3 people in the program I was in. Their deaths has changed my opinion on wls. It indeed has been ingrained in me that this is a tool not a cure. It simply is not for some people. I know of two wonderful women who both have suffered greatly. One now no longer speaks to me since the lady blogger turned my words to her benefit. I do not know of anyone on this earth who is perfect. l simply believe that good will overcome. I keep trying to be kind and get burnt each time. That is ok, people should take some of what they read, and try to understand what the writer means. It would be nice if they did ,but I do not expect miracles.
I thank you for your prayers, and hope that you are wrong about my friends. I think most people change. In fact the lady blogger has changed imho. It appears that I am on the wrong side of the street for some. I will still be me, and try to do what is right. I will make mistakes, have some successes, and value all people.
I have stepped back . I no longer follow the blogging lady or several others that I deemed were important to me. In fact , this whole thing may have finished me off with regard to having wls. When I read the way the ladyblogger and friend have written about others, and that by me saying I was told no alcohol for wls patients and that liquid vitamins can help , causes the nasty notes I have received about that alcohol, it no longer seems valuable to me . If so many people are so miserable without alcohol, and vitamins, and foods that they eschew hate the way they have it makes it less desirable.
I always believed that opinions were just that. Now I am aware that was wrong. Never disagree with those who become famous even a little bit.
However, I have digressed. The issue is not what the lady blogger or her friends or blog followers believe any more. I did not invite them to this blog. Within 3 hrs of me posting here they and their friends started the attack. If you note I have not posted on the lady blogger’s forums either of them or Andrea’s either. It is clear who the aggressors are.
I admit openly had I not stood up to defend my friend this would not be an issue.

I also want to thank those who openly support my faith,hope and opinions that we can solve all problems together. For the many who have written in agreement with my views, Big Hugs.

I thank you for listening. May God bless you and all the WLS patients
healing, and big hugs,

grammasrunamuck aka Patti

It is a new day. Thank God we can start over anytime we want to. It is now after Midnight. I choose to be happy. I am alive, have wonderful people in my life.  Some are a little wild,exasperating, funny,sweet, and indescribable. I just want to have joy in my life.

It is almost 4 yrs ago that I was widowed.  This is the month he started failing.  I know that is why I have  not felt like decorating, enjoying, having fun.   It is time I let go of the old feelings and start living. Really I have been exhisting.

Between trying to decide what to do with my life, I have been trying to get healthier, decide if I should have weight loss surgery.  I almost had the surgery right before my late husband got sick.  It was one week before the scheduled surgery and 3 people I knew from the program died.  The hospital closed the bariatric surgery department down. That seemed to be a sign for me not to do it.  So I went to a different hospital still thinking about it. The support there was not great, a teaching hospital. I felt like a number , as if I did not matter.  I had all the tests, all the psych clearances, lost the weight required, and kept most of it off.  Why am I so reticent to have  the surgery?  I am not sure.

My grandma had an early version of the sleeve done in the late 30s or 40s/.  She had bleeding ulcers affecting most of her stomach. She required transfusions. They removed half of her stomach to save her life. Of course, the surgery left a large scar, it was open surgery. She healed and  never had a weight problem after it.  She ate small meals, rather like grazing, consumed large quantities of  coffee, and smoked.   How did she survive til her 80s  I do not know.

I am not sure what I should do with my life.  I know it is my life, and I am responsible for it.  I am the one who gained the weight.  I have rubber banded hundreds of times.  I am trying to make a good decision for me.  Even with all the details, and looking at wls blogs,  some good some bad I am not convinced.

It seems some of the most unhappy people I have met have had the surgery. Some surgeries fail, some people fail,   I want to do what is right.

On the other hand some people who have had the surgeries have never had a problem at all.  I really am thinking this over.  I am grandma, mom, friend, and maybe the love of someone’s life.   How could I give any of that up?

There are some folks out there who think I am old. Some may not think I matter,  but , I do matter.  I am learning that I matter.

Thank you all for the love you share,and  the  tears too.

grammasrunamuck/   aka patti


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