grammasrunamuck

Posts Tagged ‘family

Today my mother in law  Doris Irene Egel Scholl was laid to eternal rest.  

A good woman who blessed me by having my  husband and being his mom. 

My kids will miss her , though they did not see her much.  Living in the  southern Adirondack Foothills is far away from the big Apple.  

What she did in life will carry through in her grandchildren.   Her dtr Veronica  has 4 girls all grown some with kids of their own.    Her son Thomas  has 2 a boy and a girl   . Both of them have children, Frank and I had 2 of our own a boy and a girl 

Now if you look at those kids all grown with their own kids  who will remember their great grandma    and tell their kids about her .  Each one will have their own story. Each their own experience.  

  I wish that  I were with them all now.    I did  not attend the services.  I  thought it best to stay home and avoid the heat and effects of asthma.   

I have seen photos  my son sent of them having a remembrance meal  with the family and am happy they went.    It is important to show love and affection to your family and those who are close friends. 

History shows us that if we do not talk about our lives together  we will forget or be forgotten.   Family is so very important to me.  I do not have to  kiss fannies, nor bow down to anyone but God.  I do  , however,  believe that there are times to forgive and forget.

When we forgive someone we give our self a gift.   We also give that person a second or third or fourth chance.     I rather like  getting gifts.    I love giving gifts.  I love sharing love with others. 

I know life is short.  The days go by so fast. Time on earth is short.  Love the life you are living.

Of course we all have difficulties  , things we would rather forget.  I hope that  I can forgive myself for my mistakes  and am trying.   I find its easier to forgive others than to forgive me. Yes that is a flaw.    I am aware I am flawed. I am aware that I may not be perfect  . Oh heck I know I am not perfect but   try not to look too hard at myself in fear I may find more that I can not handle.

I do not know how many of you look at life in retrospect yet.  I know that as each person  enters or leaves this world and my life   huge changes happen.

It may not seem huge to you.  It does to me.   Family and friends are everything on earth.   We go through this world meeting and saying goodbye so often.  

Every time a child is born it is a gift.  Each life is a gift .   Open that gift gently. Open it with love ,hope and warmth.  Add in some sweetness and salt   as life needs spice.   Do things with love as love is the reason we are here.

Remember life is short    Take it one step at a time,  Take deep breaths, Enjoy each second. Make life worth your time. Share your life with those you love and those who you do not like or know.  It will make life full and happy…  

Now go life is calling you….

Hope is one of those things that describes the way people go blindly into situations they normally would not  .  

Hope is the one thing that keeps me going.  I know that God is my hope my path to heaven.

I know that without hope and or God there is nothing for the human spirit to lean on.

I know that Hope is like Love .  They both need nurturing,trials errors and growth.

In order to survive in this world we need both Hope and Love.  You can have on or the other ,but then you feel incomplete. 

You know you can be loved or be in love  but, without love and hope combined there is not a bit of strength to deal with life.

In this world we need Hope. In this world we need Love.  We need them more than anything now.

Times are hard enough without the incessant changes in politics, world almost at point of destruction, sickness, loneliness, sadness. 

We have to have the Hope that we can overcome all of those. For me  knowing God has my back is very important to me. 

I am an only child.  Not such a good thing. 

No one is there for you .  Most people used to have cousins close by.   My cousins are all far away.  

So  for me  it helped me know   that with God  I  even me… can do something good. 

When I am afraid of things   I either back off from it    or   dive in and be the super friendly  overly trusting type.  

Some folks do not like that.  Well they are the losers. 

When you meet a person  who has hope  its like opening a big GIFT.     Open slowly is my advice.  You do not want to waste any of the hope that is in that gift.    You want to grab it and hold on for dear life.  You want to learn how to hope, love and trust. 

  To be  near a person with Hope  can be contagious.  In fact, I hope  that you  do get close to those with Hope.  They dream, glimmer, shine and become euphoric  at the thought of joy  .

Outrageous you say?  Well   to me its outrageous that some folks have no hope, no faith, love or joy in their lives. 

I want to wish you all Hope, Joy,Love,Trust,Faith in all you do or endeavor to be. I want to wish you hugs , puppy kisses, crayolas and paper  , chalk on a sidewalk, paint on the walls,ceilings, floors and furniture.  Each of those  cries out hope. 

Hope for the future   ,the family, life,  and the  world   is within you.

Today I am thinking.    Thinking is one of those things that either  makes you feel better or worse.

Hmmmmmm

Thank You God for slowing me down. Maybe I have some unfinished work…..
I know this happens to me a lot. God intervenes. Now I have to thank Him more for all the wonderful blessings. They may be small but think of them as training wheels. Today I met a pentecostal pastor and his wife from Johnstown NY> I was dropping off a set of used lamps at my friends office. He offered to take them in. one actually fell out of van when door opened. lol Just shows you God wants you to meet good people.

I had decided not to go to Long Island in the heat for my mother in laws funeral. My hubby died in 2007 , She never cared for me , kept me out of family pix, told my dad I was not good enough for her son. Encouraged my hubby to drink when he was already addicted. Held us and his brothers family at arms length while spoiling the dtr got everythingl I forgave her and myself both a long time ago for being angry. I wish her peace and rest in the arms of Jesus. I hope my late hubby and his family reunite in heaven and know they are all loved.
Funny isn’t it? I could have remained angry .I could have said ….. but no God has so much of my heart its full of love
I love that she gave my husband life. I love my kids who came from my husband and I love my grandkids.
So much I can thank her and father in law for no matter what.
I guess it seems strange but, that is who I am.
So in closing Father I thank you for my inlaws , my husband and parents and family. I thank You for putting up with my frustrations and years of resentment and for teaching me what I should do is love them. Thank You Father for Jesus and for all blessings amen

I was asked if I thought that we get more love than we give.

Here is my answer:I thought I would reply to your ?   For me I have been a loving person all my life, Mom said I was this way before 2 .  At 3 she had to watch me that someone did not walk off with me.  Being loving is a hard thing. people misconstrue genuine love for manipulation,among other things. Weakness is one of the things people think of. I Know it is strength, rather than weakness to love others more than yourself. There indeed is a fine line between giving of yourself and giving all of yourself.  To open yourself to pain, non acceptance, feeling different, and yet still wanting to help another person is strength.    To allow those around you to accept the love and kindness you offer is a strength that I am proud of.  It is a gift dropped on me by God ,of that I am sure.  Many of us never know love. I have a lot to give.  I have been hurt many times, but it is ok. I still love those who have hurt me. Strange ,but true. They are human. They are creations of God. We are all weak, insecure, human beings, who make mistakes, some big some small. To not love would be the biggest mistake of all.  To not feel the touch of a loved one, a child, the breeze or rain upon your cheek,would be a great loss.    Patti  aka grammasrunamuck

 

Tags: , , ,

Have you ever really looked at the word  relationships?   Take a good look now if you have not before.

How many times have people said I hate my relationship with so and so, it stinks , or some other negative thing?   Wives say  we have no relationship any more.All he does is watch the game, hang out with the boys, drink his beer,smoke, and fall asleep  is a common grouping of complaints.   Still other wives say  ” all he does is complain about everything I do,the kids are not dressed right, his mom does it differently,why can’t we go to the playoffs,you are no fun to be with anymore.” I have heard so many wives say there is no romance in the relationship anymore.

The hubby’s are no different.  We hear “my old lady is such a drag,she complains that all I do is sit around bitc—g, and when I ask her anything she jumps down my throat , you know she has changed ,she is no fun anymore, it was different before we got married”. One of the biggies is “she does not cook anymore, she is at the ___________ gym, out with the kids, shopping spending my money.”   I have heard men say they would rather go bowling than help out on a Saturday, that the food shopping,laundry,housekeeping are all a woman’s duty along with cooking, taking kids everywhere and holding down a full time job.

Let’s go back to the beginning.   Relationship     break that word up into two parts.  Relation and ship.   What have they got in common?  Well  we know that in any ship there is a crew working together to keep it afloat.   The crew must maintain the boat, cook, clean, paint,occupy themselves , go through storms and calm.

Just the same thing in a marriage one person can not run the whole marriage and carry the person on their back, and neither can any relation between friends, lovers, family.

The relation between those in the relationship is very complicated. Anytime you have more than one person involved you get different needs emotions, wants,desires  ,hopes and dreams.   Some of these words can be interchanged with each other.

Right now in my life everything is changing .  I am changing, and coming to realize that I am important to.  If the people in a relationship of any kind with me  do not understand ,nor have compassion or the desire to work with me,I am saddened. If the person I love does not want to be with me does not get why I am upset and won’t talk about it,what should I do? There is nothing I can do that would change them.

I can only be the best I can be. I can do the best that I can,be kind,loving,and tell the people how I feel.  I can not drag the person along with me on my journey and I do not want to.  I can continue to go on.

That is the only thing I can do is to be me.   That includes hoping that life continues, relationships grow and  faith will carry us all through.

I hope this helps someone find out their value, that the relationship still is worth saving, and that  they will be able to work together and improve it.

For like the crew on the  SS Relationship, we have to work together and  love and live together . So, lets make it work in whatever journey we are on.

with love,

grammasrunamuck

 

I am looking forward to  a good day. I am hoping everyone has the joy in it  that is brought by our Lord.  In many ways I have much to be thankful, some things that make me think why am I here.

I am human, I love God, country family and friends.  I am fortunate that my friends are really supportive. Even when I have a bad day they make me smile.

I am an avid Joyce Meyer,James and Betty Robison,Creflo Dollar,John Hagee,and sometime Kenneth Copeland viewer.  I find it refreshing to hear His word from different viewpoints, yet they all lead to peace through God and His son Jesus Christ.

I am trying to get my weight moving again. Due to a back and neck injury I have been moving less this past week.  I am going to try to tough through it today.

I am going to try to figure out how to really knock more weight off.  If I were to consider surgery for  weight loss I still would have to lose the weight. So , I may as well keep working on it.

I am no where near the folks on tv with huge weight to lose , like the man in Mexico , or the Man in Texas.  I have seen people in my weight category have wls and die.

Tlc, and  Discovery Health have shown it is dangerous.   Any surgery has dangers.  I have spent a lot of time on consultations,counseling,learning, and talking to people who have had or will have  roux n y  ,lap band, and now the sleeve.

None of these are a cure. They are tools. They when they are working properly can save lives.  I am thrilled for those who have had or will have surgery that will succeed.

Not all wls patients have great results. Some folks do not recover well at all,  they develop side effects,ie malnutrition or absorption, digestive problems and worse.

Some of my friends fit into this category.  I honor them for their courage,strength and the ability to face formidable obstacles to living.

Others struggle to find what works for them.  Just like in life no two people are alike.    I have been following some interesting  wls forums and do see many success stories.

After my weightloss surgery was canceled a few yrs ago one week pre surgery, I have been trying to weigh the importance and correctness for me.  Three women in the program died. Yes they died , one we were told was not  honest with her doctor about meds she was on, and hid certain things from him.   Our wls support group was really surprised that the program closed.  The hospital did not feel it was willing to continue it.     I did go to a teaching hospital after that, but felt like the program was not for me. I am more than a number. It was ok for students to be involved. I felt like a statistic it was cold, and the support was not there.

Now I really am questioning myself and this type of surgery.  About half the people who I know that have had the surgery have regained significant weight,and still yoyo.   We have been taught this is a tool. Not a cure.

I know I say that a lot.  It is ingrained into me.    Like the Serenity  Prayer. Like the al anon belief  , I can not change,cure or fix the world, I can work on me to be the best me.

Some people think I want to cure wls patients   well  yes, I would like to remove that pain from their life. It is not being judgemental, just that I know the pain, and do not want anyone to suffer.

So if that makes me be a bad Christian, a bad woman,an old woman  tough.  I am who I am, and I will be the person who is kind.  This does not mean I am weak,judgemental,ignorant,or afraid to answer anyone to stand up for  me.  It means that I will not lower my standards for my behavior.

I will not fight with someone who judges me. I will leave it in His hands, and go on and see if I can help someone else.  I will stand up for Christ, and my friends, and yes me.  I am a good person with many imperfections. Many.  I do have the audacity to say what is on my mind and heart.

I will not get into bashing another person to make me feel good about me.   That would make me sick and unhappy.

Life is too short. For those of you who have lost a loved one,you know what I mean.  Life flies by, you have to grab it and hold on to it, allow those near you to do their own growing, and be responsible for you.

Hope you have  a blessed day.   Love your enemies,keep them close,and be careful. Life is too short for drama.

with love,   grammasrunamuck/Patti

 

 

It is a new day. Thank God we can start over anytime we want to. It is now after Midnight. I choose to be happy. I am alive, have wonderful people in my life.  Some are a little wild,exasperating, funny,sweet, and indescribable. I just want to have joy in my life.

It is almost 4 yrs ago that I was widowed.  This is the month he started failing.  I know that is why I have  not felt like decorating, enjoying, having fun.   It is time I let go of the old feelings and start living. Really I have been exhisting.

Between trying to decide what to do with my life, I have been trying to get healthier, decide if I should have weight loss surgery.  I almost had the surgery right before my late husband got sick.  It was one week before the scheduled surgery and 3 people I knew from the program died.  The hospital closed the bariatric surgery department down. That seemed to be a sign for me not to do it.  So I went to a different hospital still thinking about it. The support there was not great, a teaching hospital. I felt like a number , as if I did not matter.  I had all the tests, all the psych clearances, lost the weight required, and kept most of it off.  Why am I so reticent to have  the surgery?  I am not sure.

My grandma had an early version of the sleeve done in the late 30s or 40s/.  She had bleeding ulcers affecting most of her stomach. She required transfusions. They removed half of her stomach to save her life. Of course, the surgery left a large scar, it was open surgery. She healed and  never had a weight problem after it.  She ate small meals, rather like grazing, consumed large quantities of  coffee, and smoked.   How did she survive til her 80s  I do not know.

I am not sure what I should do with my life.  I know it is my life, and I am responsible for it.  I am the one who gained the weight.  I have rubber banded hundreds of times.  I am trying to make a good decision for me.  Even with all the details, and looking at wls blogs,  some good some bad I am not convinced.

It seems some of the most unhappy people I have met have had the surgery. Some surgeries fail, some people fail,   I want to do what is right.

On the other hand some people who have had the surgeries have never had a problem at all.  I really am thinking this over.  I am grandma, mom, friend, and maybe the love of someone’s life.   How could I give any of that up?

There are some folks out there who think I am old. Some may not think I matter,  but , I do matter.  I am learning that I matter.

Thank you all for the love you share,and  the  tears too.

grammasrunamuck/   aka patti


%d bloggers like this: