grammasrunamuck

Changes

Posted on: January 18, 2011

Change begets change.Much like leaves falling softly from the trees in fall ,just floating down mysteriously creating a carpet on the earth. The carpet prepares the ground and plants to survive the cold winter and snow. It magically nurtures and nourishes the earth, allowing the glorious flowers to make their awakening in spring after the harsh winter has gone. It creates a symphony of color in autumn, a white and frosty sparkling blanket over creation ,evolving into the effervescent explosion of color of spring and blooms of summer.

Our lives are full of change. We meet new people, grow and change. We all change ,we grow and change . It is an evolution in our personal lives, careers,and our spirits.

I have to admit my weight loss journey , or experience has changed me.  I have learned about my own body, learned that I am important. I have learned that how others see me is not necessarily the right view of me. It has become unceasingly apparent to me that I am more than this body which is changing.

I  am a woman with intellect, character ,sense of humor and great faith.  I did not get to be the woman I am by being alone. I learn from each of those I come in contact with.

Some have taught me that no matter how cruel they are, I am still a good person. Some have taught me that I can succeed at helping others, that my instincts are really good when it comes to knowing what to do in an emergency. Many have taught me that the love I give I get back ten fold.

In fact, so many of you have changed the way I look at myself.  As a kid I was told be quiet, did I no…  As a child I was taught that children should be seen and not heard, that they should never talk back, that children are the property of the parent in some respect.  That was garbage.  I always would tell people what was on my heart.

A funny thing kids will tell you the truth, of course unless they think they will be punished for it.   I was with my parents at a food store   A&P  one day when I was little.  It was in Middle Village NY. I was 3 or so.   I looked at the cashier who was making small talk with mom and dad.  She asked me how I was , my reply “My daddy gets drunk”  .  The lady in her smock  had a funny look on her face  did not know what to say. Mom wanted to crawl in a hole, dad embarassed laughed.

For some reason I have always been like this. It took a lot of cautioning me not to do that again, to learn to keep secrets.   That was a big change in me.   Not the best change but a change. It is never good to hide the truth.

When dad drank he beat my mom. Then she started drinking with him. I went all the bars with them. I slept on bar room tables, slept in dads car on the street, that was a big secret.  The people in the bars were nice,but I was always on stage so to speak, read this honey , go sing with the juke box.  The secret continued for a long time.

One of the bar owners was a  Christian Scientist.  He and his wife always had bible based coloring books for me. Paula was the wife, they owned the Elm Bar on Dry Harbor RD in Middle Village.  For every holiday there were more stories.

Then our new landlord Marty Emmrich and his wife Jeannette provided more bible based background for me.   Marty was dads drinking buddy. He and his wife were like aunt and uncle to me.  Love them and their kids.  Both have passed along with Martin jr.   Jeannette took me to church with her kids at Trinity Lutheran in Middle Village. We lived there for 5 yrs plus . That made a profound change in my life.

We stayed in contact up until Jeanette passed away .  I miss her very much.  She will never know what a change she made in my life.      I will never forget her.

I mention all this so that you know that change occurs sometimes slowly sometimes quickly. Change does occur despite our desire to remain the same.

Maybe the change will  be like those leaves floating softly to the ground. Just maybe the melting snow in my life will allow the beauty of flowers and love to blossom again…………Maybe… there is hope yet….

With love and hope

grammasrunamuck

this link reminds me of change…..

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